


Badgers in Black

by TheArchitectProject



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (but no this actually happened), Badgers are badass, Dumbles is a dick, Gen, Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders, I don't know what i'm writing but i s2g i didn't mean it, Justin is the real saviour, Men In Black AU, Oops, Oops?, Parody, Whoa, You Have Been Warned, badass au, don't look at me, is that a spoiler, paaarody, sort of, there's no actual swearing in the story, this is a parody guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2013-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-24 08:36:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/937885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArchitectProject/pseuds/TheArchitectProject
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody ever expects the Hufflepuffs. That's just the way they like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Badgers in Black

Justin Finch-Fletchley was extraordinarily surprised to receive his Hogwarts acceptance letter. His parents had already enrolled him at Eton, a prestigious school that his father had attended as a young man. It was quite the task to convince them that magic was even real, despite the beautiful displays by the teacher-witch who had come to give him his letter, let alone convince them to let him go. It had taken several weeks of begging and some blackmailing them before they had relented and given him his way.

It all paid off as he stood in the crowd of first years, waiting eagerly for him to be sorted.

After what had seemed like a lifetime, Professor McGonagall called out his name and Terry hesitantly made his way up to her, feeling every eye in the hall resting on his back.

He sat gingerly on the stool and the ratty old Sorting Hat was lowered onto his head. 'Very ambitious, aren't you?'

The voice startled Justin and he looked around the hall before he realized it was in his head.

'I suppose, sir?' He thought experimentally. He heard the hat chuckle. 'Plenty of bravery and smarts, and very loyal. You show the traits of all the Houses in abundance, it seemed. Some do. You blackmailed your parents to let you attend, but you didn't want to. You want peace and fairness in your family and friendships, a very un-Slytherin thing to feel. You're familiar with Muggle technology and customs, you wish to integrate them into the Magical world, be a revolutionary. So many other Muggleborns have had the same thought, tried and failed. I think you might just succeed. There is only one place to put you, Mister Finch-Fletchley...'

"HUFFLEPUFF."

The black and yellow table erupted into cheers and he pulled off the hat and nearly ran to sit down at said table. Talking hats were now officially on his list of things to avoid in the future.

"Hullo, there. I'm Cedric," The boy next to him introduced himself. Cedric had shaggy blond hair and a crooked smile, handsome is a boyish way. The older student held out his hand to Justin and he shook it, smiling back. "Justin. Justin Finch-Fletchley." Cedric nodded before turning back to the sorting, Justin following suit once he realised there would be no further conversation. Once Zambini, Blaise had been sorted (SLYTHERIN), Dumbledore had given a very odd speech and the feast started.

Justin had never seen so much food before, not even at the lavish balls his father had thrown for the other nobles. There was honey-glazed ham and carrots, pudding, shepherds pie, and, most importantly, roast beef. He had barely managed to finish his huge dinner before the food disappeared to be replaced with desert.

The first-year nearly groaned as he saw the beautifully decorated dishes, deciding that he had a little more room left to eat some of that wonderful cake.

When the dessert had also disappeared, much to the dismay of many of the students and a few of the professors, the fifth year prefects led the first years to the Common Room. Justin and his peers were lead through a maze-like system of hallways, and after a long and tiring twenty minutes they arrived at a large stack of barrels sitting against a wall; five on the bottom, four above that and three topping the structure.

"This is the entrance to the Hufflepuff Common Room. To enter, tap the second barrel on the second row five times. We don't have a password like the other Common Rooms, our biggest defense from pranksters and bullies is to not let them figure out where the Puff's Common Room is. Don't show anyone. If anyone follows you, tell a seventh year and we can deal with it." On that odd note, Cedric tapped the second barrel on the second row five times and the barrels melted into an small, extravagant wooden archway leading into what looked like a cave.

As Justin entered the common room, he realized that it was less a cave and more a hole in the ground. Briefly, he wondered if they would be turned into Hobbits. The walls were made from what looked like compacted dirt, and thick golden carpets of varying shades covered the floor. A cozy fireplace was surrounded by yellow strait-back chairs pushed against small round tables and several large black bean bag. The round black tables were scattered around the room in an odd pattern that vaguely reminded Justin of mushroom patches, and a wall was lined with tall bookshelves and ladders that slide along them to allow the easy retrieval of books. Doors with gold letters engraved into the wood were in odd scattered places in the room, the only one close enough to read labeled 'Third Year Dorms'.

"This is what our Common Room looks like to the other Houses and most of the Professors." Cedric said, smiling smugly as the First Years looked at him in confusion. "How it looks like to the Badgers is an entirely different story."

He raised his was wand and cast a silent spell over the room. Justin felt the magic wash over the him and blinked, watching the appearance of the Common Room change with stunned awe. The fireplace turned into a huge, flat black screen, the bookshelves melting into large cubbyholes holding dozens of small black books that anyone from the twenty-first century would be able to identify as some sort of laptop. The tables stayed mostly the same except for the stacks of supplies and papers piled on them, laptop-like books open and blank. The dirt walls warped and melted into sleek white curves lined with glowing screens, information and photos flickering across them at a panicked speed. The room had grown larger, and a dozen new doors had appeared, one labeled 'Laboratory', another labeled 'Gymnasium', along with another mysteriously labeled 'Beast'.

"...wow." Hannah Abbot squeaked.

"Hufflepuff is a largely underestimated House, as you'll learn in your seven years here. The biggest thing you'll need to know right now is it's not like the other Houses. Here, you'll be trained to go into the Wizarding Shadow Service. Or the WSS. You'll be trained in physical, mental, emotional, and political fields based on your strengths and weaknesses. You have the option to refuse the training and you will be memory charmed and re-sorted. If you choose the continue the Path of the Puff, you'll be tested and put into groups. These groups are the Badgers in Black, the Shadow Walkers, the Political Tacticians, and the Magical Scientific Relations. There are sub sections and clearance levels, but we'll not get into that tonight. You will resign to your dorms for the time being and decide if you want to continue with the Puffs or be re-sorted in the morning." The fifth year female prefect, Abigail Burbage, lectured.

The first years were led to their dorms in a shocked silence.

Justin shared a room with four other boys. Ernie McMillan, a friendly boy with short dark blond hair and a slightly-chubby face, was in the bed next to Justin's. Wayne Hopkins and Oliver Rivers were on the other side of the bunk. They already seemed to know each other and were chatting about which branch of the WSS they wanted to go into as they unpacked their trunks. The last boy was Terry Boot, a mousy boy with a round face, who had looked distinctly uncomfortable in the room and had gone to bed without unpacking.

Justin smiled at Ernie as he opened his trunk. "Hello. I'm Justin. You're Ernie, right?" Ernie grinned brightly. "You bet I am! It's good to meet you, Justin."

Justin shook Ernie's offered hand, surprised at his friendly, open greeting. The people he was used to back home were quiet and reserved. He supposed these people hadn't been as stuffed up as he had been forced to be. "So what do you think of this whole Hufflepuff thing? I can't say that I was expecting that. I was actually hoping for Ravenclaw, you know, but I think I'll stay in Hufflepuff. It sounds really interesting."

Justin took a second to process what Ernie had said, blinking at the ridiculous speed of the words, before replying, "I'm not sure. I'm still in shock, I think. I wasn't exactly planning to join a secret army when I went off to boarding school. They really expect us to decide this in a night? We're eleven, I'm not entirely sure what my favourite colour is, much less what I want to do with my life."

Ernie shrugged. "Yeah. I don't think any of us are were. But it sounds like an opportunity, you know? The Wizarding World is different than the Muggle one."

Justin nodded minutely as he unpacked the last of his trunk. "Right." He really didn't want to continue this. "Well, I'm going to have to think about it. G'night." Ernie responded with his own goodnight and turned his attention back to unpacking.

Justin fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

~~~~~~~~~~###~~~~~~~~~~

The full force of the situation hit Justin in the morning when he realized that there were only three other beds in the room. Looking around at his dorm mates, he realized Terry Boot was missing. He asked Ernie about it.

"Terry? Oh, the other boy. The gangly one. I don't know." Ernie didn't look surprised that the other boy was gone. "He didn't look like he wanted to be here. Maybe he was... You know."

"No, I don't know," Justin frowned, turning back to his bunk. He had just realised exactly how big of a commitment joining the Puffs would be. A secret government who was training school children to be spies and politicians and scientists? It sounded absolutely ridiculous. But Cedric had looked perfectly serious last night, and the Common Room... If it was the truth, Justin would probably have to be committed to it for the rest of his school days, maybe even the rest of his life. He wasn't sure he was ready for that.

But he's always wanted to be a secret agent, hadn't he? Justin had grown up watching James Bond. He wanted to be sleek and cool and dashingly debonair. He wanted to get the girl and have all the right tools to save the world. And this group was allowing, no, encouraging him to live his dream, if he'd accept their offer. It was a golden opportunity, and who was he to pass that up?

It was about then that Justin realized that he's been staring at the ceiling for ten minutes, and breakfast started in five. He shook his head to reorient himself and quickly pulled his black and yellow robes on, checked his hair in the mirror before hurrying out of the dorm room. Pausing when he reached the common room and saw that the Common Room had the same sleek, futuristic look that it'd had last night before, Justin once again shook his head and forced himself to look at the people, not the things. He quickly found Cedric, Abigail and an older boy Justin didn't recognize in a corner, their eyes focused on a screen that showed a young boy, about Justin's age, with green eyes and shaggy black hair. He slowly approached them, not wanting to bother them if what they were doing was important. Or that's what he told himself. Truthfully, he wanted to hear what they were saying. He recognized the boy on the screen from the sorting yesterday and was quite curious about the students reactions to his sorting, why everyone had seemed so eager to have the boy in their House.

"-abusive? This is what happens when we let Dumbledore meddle in our business! I need you to run a full background check on all three of them, right now. Yes, even the kid, Burbage. I need to know everything, got that? I want to know their personalities, their standing in the community, I want to know what time they gets up in the morning to-" He cut himself off, rubbing at his eyes. "If they're deemed a threat to Potter's life, I want them memory charmed and I want Potter to be moved to a different family. We'd have to memory charm him, too, to make him think he's still living with them during the summers. Snape's stupid mind-reading trick could ruin us if we let Harry he's being moved." The older boy put a hand to his head, like he had a headache.

"What do you want?" The older student snapped when he realized Justin was practically right next to him, jumping slightly. Justin stepped back, guilt obvious on his face. The older boys eyes softened slightly in apology at his fear and he turned to face the first year. "Sorry. Not many people can sneak up on me like that. I'm David, David Fleetfoot. I'm the Seventh Year Prefect and Captain in the WSS. I oversee training here at the school. You're Justin, right? If you need any help with anything, come to me or one of the other Prefects." Justin blinked at the sudden change in attitude. Weird. Brushing off his discomfort, he cleared his throat. "Thank you, sir. I was just wondering how to get to the Great Hall?"

Stonewood chuckled, "Don't call me 'sir', it makes me feel old. I'm just David. And yeah, uh," he glanced around the Common Room. "I'm in the middle of damage control right now. Atterson!" A small blond girl that Justin recognised as the sixth year Prefect jumped slightly. "Can you show this Firsty to the Great Hall, please?" Atterson nodded to David, making a 'follow me' motion to Justin as she turned towards the door. He rushed after her, nodding goodbye to David and the fifth year Prefects. Atterson led him to the Hall without a word, the awkward five-minute walk seeming nearly an hour to Justin. Justin noted the path she took in his mind for future mornings on his own.

As he entered the Hall, he noticed Terry Boot at the Ravenclaw Table, a slightly dazed look on his face. The rest of the Ravenclaws didn't seem to find his presence there strange at all, neither did any of the other students or teachers, except for a few Hufflepuffs that glanced at him, disappointment obvious on their faces. The glances were short and subtle, only those who were looking for them noticing. Justing had to admire their acting as if nothing was wrong with memory-charming an eleven-year-old. Justin seated himself next to Ernie and dug into the massive piles of food. There was bacon and ham and eggs, everything he would have at home. Thank God for small comforts.

A massive fluttering from above them drew his attention to the magnificent ceiling above them and then to the owls. Hundreds of them swooping through the Great Hall and landing next to their owners to hand over the days paper or letters from the family. The sight was magnificent. Or it was, until there was a small 'splat' sound and Justin realised his food had been rendered completely inedible. Grumbling, he pushed his plate away and fidgeted in his seat, waiting for the owls to leave or for the students to receive their schedules and be dismissed.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder, startling him slightly and interrupting his quiet cursing of all winged mammals for ruining perfectly good food. Turning around in his seat, he saw his Head of House carrying a stack of parchment. "Justin Finch-Fletchly?" Justin nodded, blushing slightly at the attention being directed towards him.

"I have your schedule... Here." Sprout rifled through the parchment and handed one to him, a friendly smile on her face. He smiled back weakly and she left him to puzzle over his schedule. "History of Magic, then double Potions? I don't think I've ever seen a worse Monday morning." Justin was once again startled as Ernie read his schedule over his shoulder, blatantly invading his personal space.

He groaned.

**Author's Note:**

> Revised: August 20, 2013
> 
> Note: This is a sample. I couldn't really stop myself from posting it. I've decided I'm going to turn this into a full story, with 7-10k words per chapter; seven to eight chapters; one chapter per year at Hogwarts. I'm working hard to finish it, and it will all be posted once I've finished. Be sure to leave a review to tell me what you think! Feedback is a wonderful motivator.


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